Shenstone Photography ... Albert & the Olympus

There's a famous seaside place called Scarb'ro,
That's noted for Pictures reet twee,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom's
Young Albert, went 'oop there w' 'is E-3

A grand little lad was young Albert
All dressed in his best; quite a pro
With an E-3, 'n fifty - two 'undred
The finest that young lad could 'old.

'E didn't think much to the Ocean
The waves, they were piddlin' and flat
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded
Fact, nothing to snap at, 'cept tat.

So, seeking for further exposure
'E upped and went into the town
Where they'd street shots and pictures quite candid
And int'restin' buildin's all round.

There were one great big old pro called Wallace
His nose were all covered with scars
From fallin' asleep on 'is Canon
After takin' pic's in nightclubs 'n bars.

Now Albert had heard about Canons
How they was expensive, not trash
To see Wallace usin' 'is camera as t' pillow
It made Albert reach for 'is flash

And straight 'way the brave little feller
Not showing a morsel of fear
Took his E-3 with its fast autofocus
And fired it by Wallace's ear.

You could see the old Pro didn't like it
For giving a kind of a roar
He reached for 'is lens, flash & Canon
And shuffled and fell on the floor

The old Pro 'E realised quite rai'tely
That young lad 'ad candidly shot
'e Reconned 'ed set lad a challenge
And top snap would take home the lot

They prowled then upon the footpaths
and down on the beach by the sea
'till Wallace 'ad shot full 'is Canon
And Albert 'ad filled 'is E-3

They took their CF's to 't printers
'n 'ad the lot printed A3
'n took out an advert in't paper
To invite all the people's to see

But even then after review by 't public
The two they were even'ly matched
So 't two lens toting digital snappers
'ad to call for a ref for 't match

The manager had to be sent for
He came and he said "I d' say
t'ain't a morsel to put tween or twix't 'em
We'll a' t' to send 'em away"

So down t' a posh London gallr'y
Went pictures 'n cameras 'n all
Where they'd gotten them RPS fellows
Not one mind, they'd gotten 'em all

At last result was done and decided
't judgment were taken at last
'n best shot were picked from the display
Were 't taken at ISO reet fast

An' much to surprise of old Wallace
T'were shot taken by Albert that won
T'were a grand picture taken on t' seafront
Of seabirds displayin' in't sun

Old Wallace 'e didn't like losin'
Especially not to a young-un
But wagers were bindin' and rigid
So 'er offered Albert his weighty Canon

But Albert 'e thought for a Moment
And then turned Wallaces' fine offer down
'e said 'ed "just take 'ome the winnin'
And settle for t' top picture crown"

'ed "take 'ome 'is Oly and pictures
'n honour that came with the spot
And leave old Wallace with t' Canon
'n all 'is big lenses 'n grot"

The Pro found answer quite puzzlin'
'ed read all the reviews in the press
'n how it were said to be impossible
To use owt but Canikon for t' best.

"Now listen young Albert" said Wallace
"Come on lad, put down thee E-3"
"Nay", to Wallace said Albert
"To lug ruddy Canons not me!"